Note: I don't think I wrote down these quotes. But, they are on a Word file on my computer for some reason. Oh well.

"Now you're in the empirical world, with hot water and dirty grapes. I'm talking about logic."

"When you stop doing your homework, you're thinking too much."

Michael: "If there was a newspaper headline saying, 'Time Doesn't Exist,' it wouldn't matter."
Maurer: "Well, they couldn't call it the 'New York Times' anymore. It'd be the 'New York Question-Mark.'"

"Do squirrels think of philosophy? ... Squirrel philosophy... I'm not anti-squirrel."

[re: Socrates]
"He always says he doesn't know anything. Is he fishing for a compliment?" <flirtatiously> "Oh, Socrates..."

[re: reflection / refraction]
"Yeah, that's why I was really bad in physics."

[re: Working out Socrates' math problem]
"Whoa, where am I? I'm already lost."

"Forget square roots. Think of someone who's really dumb."

"Keep living in your fantasy world."

[re: Meno]
"He's not done punching himself in the head yet! Stay tuned! Part two! The remix!"

"How did we get to the knowledge that that's a crap virtue?"

"...He had crap geometry."

[re: Definition of Socrates]
"Annoying questioner who's going to be shot hereafter."

[re: Pleasure]
"I can go out and do heroin, or kill someone. Or I can walk an old lady across the street. Or I can walk an old lady across the street and then kill her. Or give her heroin. Or I can take some heroin, and then walk her across the street. I'm trying to think of all the pleasurable things I can do in an afternoon."

[re: Eventually getting tired of having sex with Vanessa Williams all day long]
Maurer: "Wow."
Paul: "What did you say?"
Maurer: "I can't imagine actually getting tired of that, but if you say so..."

"You were fortunate. The gods decided not to drop anything on your head. They decided to drop it on someone else's head. They're less happy."

"Mr. Geller at the board permanently doing a math problem. That is happiness."

"In case you were wondering, this is our soul. A square divided in two parts with this squiggly thing underneath. You learn something new everyday."

"So, that's why we act virtuously? To stay out of prison."

"If I rape this person, I'll go to jail, so darn."

Someone: "I don't think you can stop your heart from beating."
Maurer: "What if you stab yourself?"

"I think that while you were raping someone, you'd think it was wrong."

"Do you know any happy rapists? They all seem like pretty miserable people."

"Do you think there would be a time, a hundred years from now, where they'll be saying, 'Wow, I can't believe they thought rape was bad. We're cool with it now.'"

[re: Aristotle's "Ideal Man"]
"Everyone is just a hater! You're all just jealous! I'm not a jerk."

[re: The Matrix]
"Descartes invented it four hundred years ago. If you think you're being all hip and trendy by seeing The Matrix, you're four hundred years too late."