I've realized that I don't finish my sentences when I speak and I tend to repeat things over and over and over again. Of course, they're all for your amusement. Also, the quotes are done in the third-person. ...And then I found twenty dollars.

"Hey, if you ever plan on making out with a sheep... Just so you know, they bite."

[re: Chem teacher]
"Eww!!! Ohmigod! Furth is wearing leather pants! Old people should not be wearing leather pants!"

[re: eating an M&M]
"Oh... I just realized chocolate melts..."

"We're too dumb enough to get one."

<overdramatically gay> "Costumes!"

Duber: "How do you not know Anya's Dance of Capital Superio... Suprior... Superiorio..."
Gus W: "Superiority."
Duber: "Superiori... Supriority... Su... Oh, shut up."

[re: lagging comp]
"Stop lagging! I order you to stop lagging! Don't you know who I am?! I am the Great David! Stop it!"

[re: someone's ethnicity]
"Right. You're only one-thirtytwelfth Chinese."

[re: talking to Kevin on cell]
"Ha! You can't go online now cuz you're talking to me on your cell!"

Marc S-K: "Did you take my pen, Rachel?"
Rachel: "No."
Duber: "She's lying! You're an adulterer! Wait, adulterer's don't lie. You're a... liar!"

Rachel: "So you took Songwriting in English?"
Duber: <sarcastically> "No, we write in..." <pause, tries to think of a language>
Rachel: "Any language could work here..."

[re: translating something for Gus]
"My neck, my butt, and my cats lick my crack?"

Rachel: "...which would make me a non judg-"
Duber: "A non-judger."
Rachel: "I was gonna say I was a non-judgmental person, but non-judger works too."

[re: Key Club elections]
Duber: "Vote for Emily!"
Rachel: "I'm voting for Pamela."
Duber: "Oh, you're voting for Pamily?"

"So you're gonna vote for Simeng (pronounced Simone) and Weijie? Simjie? Weimeng?"
["We moan."]

<touching my hair>  "It's not soft anymore. It's like hair."

"You should have Sexy Mandarian Rachel: Version 2! Upgrade yourself!"

<overdramatically gay> "C'mon, who's the master of interior decorator here?"

<to Rachel> "You'd make a cute lesbian."

"Ew, it has boobie germs."

"Who wants to go to Duane Reade with me to buy rice? I mean, ice!"

[re: college roommates]
"But having a roommate would be so cool! Like on 'Felicity.'"

"Why would I want a chalupa? Do I look  like a chalupa to you?"

"You expect the car door to open when you open it."

Mr. Scandura: "So, we're going to take a walking tour of lower Manhattan... we'll see all of the sites on this map, except, of course, the World Trade Center."
Duber: <looking up> "Why not?"

"You can't be in a group with people!"

[re: Eileen is worried that she lost 200 points on the SAT for forgetting to write her name]
"Now you only got a 10,000."

[re: SATs]
"I got a 580 in math. I am illiterate in math!"

"Do you have gum? I need to put something in my mouth."

"We're as worse as the groping couple."

[re: looking at a picture]
"Oh my god, I'm smiling!"

"And even though the cabin is cheaper for us, it's still more expensive."

[re: getting quarters from someone]
"Ooh, I can take the bus now!"

[re: Katelyn's biting a packet of sugar at Gee Whiz]
"Let's see what else we can stick in her mouth."

[re: teachers]
Rachel: "Who should I do?"
Duber: "You could do any of them!"

"You're not letting me blow in peace!"

[re: Rachel's shirt]
Penny: (to Rachel) "You could almost wear that"
Duber: "I could totally fill that out."

"At a certain age, people shouldn't wear anything..."
(didn't finish sentence, was gonna say "anything too revealing")

[re: the shirt Rachel wore]
"My name is Rachel and I've got the chest to prove it!"

Duber: gah i cant add
Duber: 18 - 11 is NOT 14
Anrina Y: er
Anrina Y: that's not adding?
Anrina Y: but yeah

Duber: "So, I wonder how many people in that [NYC History] class think we're a groping couple?"
Rachel: "Yeah, honestly. They must think we're like the junior version of the groping couple."
Duber: "And what? Eileen is our little friend who watches?"

"You opened the door, didn't you? You're disgusting."

"You can't join GLASS (Gay, Lesbian, And Straight Spectrum) unless you're not a virgin."

"I don't answer my phone because I like the vibration in my pants."

Mr. Scandura: "...Henry Fonda..."
Duber: "Who's Henry fondling?"

[re: Surrogate Courthouse]
"Like a surrogate father?"

[re: Eileen throwing something away in the church donation boxes]
"It says 'help us restore,' not 'throw gum in us!'"

[re: walking by a store with clothes]
<gasp> "Pretty dresses!"

[re: having a staring contest with Rachel]
Duber: <to Eileen> "Look at her eye, it's malfunctioning!"
Rachel: "Why is it malfunctioning?"
Duber: "Because it's green."

Tour Guide: "And you are all brothers and sisters."
Duber: <points at Rachel> "What does that make us?"
Rachel: "What does that make Penny?"

[re: looking at a map of Manhattan in NYC History]
"Hey, this looks like New York."

"Holy blatant homosexuality, Batman!"

[re: at Elizabeth Center with Penny and Rachel buying bracelets]
"I've touched enough of my inner A-Z-N self. Can we go now?"

"It was last term because Emily was going up the escalator and she doesn't go up the escalator in the new term."

[re: an empty train]
Rachel: "This is really weird."
Duber: "It's the only one of us."

[re: continuing from Penny's convo about human nature]
"Including the mythical teachers? ...creatures!"

[re: fourth-grader Ka]
Eileen T: "Yo, Ka was like 'David only came into the room to check out my butt."
Duber: <opening the classroom door, yelling out across the hallway into Jeannie's room> "NICE BUTT, KA."

[re: arguing with Lindsay over who's more "AzN"]
Duber: "At least I don't have dyed hair and a necklace with my own name on it!"
Linz K: "Hey, what if your proud?"
Duber: "Of that name?!"

Vincent: "Didn't you get the hint of sarcasm in that?"
Linz K: "Yeah, I did." <looks as if she's thinking about something>
Duber: <imitating what Linz is thinking> "Sar-cas-m... That's like... or-gas-m."

[re: Lindsay "thinking" again]
"Uh-oh, here comes the monkeys again."

[re: To Rachel about the pink and blonde store]
"I'm sorry, are you too feminist for this? ...I mean, masculine."

"I dropped my wallet. Flamers!"

[re: those house designing programs]
"This is like The Sims without the annoying people."

[re: quoting people in a notebook]
"It's confusing now 'cause there are other people with the different letters with the same name."

[re: watching Higher Learning, Kristen is raped and then she becomes a bisexual]
"So who raped Gus?"

<to Rachel>
"So, we need someone to rape you."

"Oh, I should... Oh, I should... Oh... Oh, I should..."

[re: skinheads in Skinhead Nation with "White Power" shirts]
"What if they aren't really skinheads? What if they all just really love me?"

[re: Higher Learning]
"So the moral of the story? Lesbians save the world."

"So 'Pikachu' in Japanese is still Pikachu?"

"You know what would be cool? If there was a Japanese song saying 'Moshi moshi' over and over again."
<claps hands and sings to the tune of "Mony, Mony">
"Moshi moshii, moshi moshiiiii."

[re: Having a bad relationship with your father makes you gay]
"...Joel!"

Rachel: "You have to marry Mr. Francis."
Duber: "Later!"

[re: Mr. Francis]
"He can wear Penny."

Duber: "They made me spoke Chinese today in Modern China."
Rachel: "They made you spoke?"
Duber: "No, I said they make me spoke."

<walking with Rachel after school>
"Are you POOR, Rachel?"

"I really wanna see Edward Norton get raped."

<urgently to Rachel> "This was. Finish the quote!"

[re: "Stuy Sophomore" aka Alex Yu]
Rachel: "Man, there's a special place in my heart where I wanna pound his face in."
Duber: "Well, there's another place where I wanna pound him in."

"I'm still throwing up Charles Miller."

"It's like doing Half-Mike Cho, half-me."

[re: Battle Royale's food poisoning scene where the girl eats poison in the noodles and throws up blood right after]
Rachel: (skeptical) "What kind of poison does that?"
Duber: "NaCl. Wait, that's salt."

"Do I look like the Muppet?"

"For your information, I'm yellow."

"Once we put Gus in Ralph's... Wait, that doesn't sound right."

"Pickles, pickles anyone?"

[re: The table next to us at Convention all stand up and ask one of their members the 'How do you feel?' thing. The guy doesn't respond.]
Emily F: "I bet he feels good."
Debbie: "Oh, he feels so good."
Duber: "Unhhhh."

[re: At South Street Seaport, seeing a couple wearing opposite colors (his shirt color matched her pants color and his pants color matched her shirt color]
Rachel: "Haha, they match. Losers."
Duber: "Um, Rachel. We match."

[re: reading the Chinese textbook]
Duber: "What does this say?"
Jina L: "Ji ta."
Duber: "What does it mean?"
Jina L: "Take a guess. Ji ta."
Duber: "I don't know."
Jina L: "Guitar."

[re: Jina's multi-colored shoes]
Calvin P: "The 1980s called and they want their shoes back."
Jina L: "Shut up! I like them. I got them from Korea! I'm such a FOB today. Everything I'm wearing today is from Hong Kong or Korea."
Duber: "You're not a FOB today. You're a FOB everyday."

[re: I drank on my birthday]
Duber: "Suguna! I don't like being drunk! You have to pee a lot and that sucks! Peeing is disgusting! Peeing is like... peeing."
Suguna S: "That's very insightful, David."

[re: Taking a last drink on my birthday after I said I wouldn't have another drink after midnight since that wouldn't be my birthday anymore]
"It's midnight!" <drinks a final cup> "Wait, it's midnight. Shit! I have math webwork due at 2am!"

[re: The subway entrance]
Duber: "We can use down that way."
Debbie V: "...What?"

Adia H: "Soy sauce and rice!"
Peter C: "Ohh!!!"
Duber: "Do you really wanna go down this road? Watermelon and cornbread!"

[re: Tishon and Adia are going through make-up stuff in Adia's Lancτme bag]
Peter C: "It's a lan-co-may bag."
Duber: "It's pronounced lan-co-me."
Adia H: "Is that what you get in Asia?"
Duber: "Yeah, it's right next to the gookies."

[re: drunken text messages to Carolyn]
"it's okay i'm peeing"
"this is so stupidn why an i throwing up?"

Sarah D: "We can't speak today. We're all deaf and retarded today."
Duber: "We're Helen Keller? Wait, no, she's blind and..."