[re: The centennial t-shirt that say "Stuvesant"] "The new Stuy cheer should be... S-T-U-V, we can add but we can't read!" - Kenny P

[re: caution tape over the lockers on the 6th floor "Azn bar"]
"The Azn Bar is being taken over by the feds... We have confiscated your FUBU!" - Gus W

[re: looking at my program]
Duber: "I want 5th lunch. I've had 5th lunch 3 out of 4 terms."
Andi G: "Me too! ...except more than that."

[re: Gus]
"He does things for food." - Tatyana T

"Now I have a sign language song stuck in my head." - Andi G

[re: Tatyana touching Gus's leg]
"What are you doing and why?" - Gus W

<to Gus's leg>
"Stay down." - Tatyana T

Andi G: "Are you taking pictures?"
Tatyana T: "Well, I could be."
Andi G: "Don't be."

[re: everyone's naming their breasts all of a sudden]
"Mine aren't big enough to be named." - Andi G

<to Rachel>
"You could name something." - Andi G

[re: Key Club Convention rule where you can't wear open-toed shoes]
"That's ridiculous! What if they're really, really, really good looking stilettos that are sandals?" - Lisa F

[re: the show Texas Justice]
Andi G: "Don't you think there should be a Texas version of everything?"
Lisa F: "A Texas version of Stuy!"
<later>
Lisa F: "And for gym, we can have a rodeo!"

Emily F: "The last guy I made out with Europe..."
Lisa F: "He had a glass eye?"

[re: Dr. Schwaëgermann]
"If he touches me, he'll be happy. If he's happy, he'll write a better rec." - Eileen T

[re: Snapple bottle on her head]
"Yes, this is what I do at home when I carry water from the well." - Sandy P

"White people are so much cooler in the sun." - Shivanie L

[re: Katelyn telling us a story about the Blackout]
Shivanie L: "Wait, it only sells milk?"
Katelyn McT: "No, it's like a general store."
Shivanie L: "So, why did you call it a milk store? I thought there were like cows in the freezer."

[re: Carolyn covering her face from the sun with a paper bag]
Duber: "I like your face, Carolyn. Major improvement!"
Shivanie L: "Uglier than a paper bag."

[re: Nancy and Eileen throwing stuff at me; I try to pull the miniature bronze statues off the table at the park]
Rachel R: "Yeah right, David, like you can really pull that off."
Katelyn McT: <laughs> "That's funny, Rachel, because it's a pun. He's pulling it off the table, but he's also 'pulling it off', like the expression."
<everyone stares at her>
Katelyn McT: "Or maybe I'm thinking about this too much."
Shivanie L: "I love white people."

"Puns are white people jokes." - Shivanie L

"Nick walks out of the airplane in Japan and everyone's like 'Ahh! It's Godzilla!'" - Kevin R

(at Subway with Song and Audrey)
"They be having sex in the shower. They be having sex everywhere." - Woman at the table next to us

Claire: "Jesus was a carpenter?!"
<later>
Claire: "Jesus is God's son?"
<later>
Claire: "Has anyone played Pokémon."

[re: Mr. Donin]
"Do you have an endless supply of people?" - Karen

[re: hateful people]
"I wouldn't kill them per se, maybe torture them... Hmm, yeah, torture them." - Elina

[re: Mr. Donin saying we're on land tainted with Native American blood]
"Technically, we're not on Native American land; we're on landfill." - Karen

Kenny P: "My goal is to corrupt the entire class by the end of the term."
Duber: "Corrupt in what ways?"
Kenny P: <intrigued smirk> "In many ways."

"It's already started. I've gathered a following. Unfortunately, there are three guys." - Kenny P

[laughing hysterically at Katelyn]
"She's white." - Shivanie L

<bending over>
Duber: "You can check out my ass."
Sandy P: "Like I wasn't."
Shivanie L: "...I actually was."

[re: Shivanie speaking]
"Shut up, brown girl." - Sandy P

[re: overhearing Shivanie's convo about "brown girls"]
"Get off the brown girl already! ...'Get off the brown girl' Where have I heard that before?" - Sandy P

[re: seeing Rachel]
Duber: "White girl!"
Wangui M: "Are you calling me a white girl?"

"Haley Joel Osment! Whoa, he grew up." - Wangui M

"It's sunny out but just in case I don't wanna get screwed and wet." - Shivanie L

[re: Shivanie telling Wangui that she thinks I have a nice ass]
"Bend over; I'm curious." - Wangui M

Duber: <to Kenny> "Can you bend over? She's curious."
Kenny P: "Of course I can bend over."

"David! Spiky nice ass David." - Shivanie L

[re: retelling of the Carolyn quote of "New Yorkers eating Mexicans"]
Shivanie L: "Mexican people would be spicy."
Duber: "And what, Chinese people would be sweet and sour?"
Shivanie L: "And Guyanese would be burnt."
P: "We'd be curry!"
Andi G: "Oh, god. I must taste awful then."
Duber: "You'd be kosher."
Andi G: "That just means I'll live longer 'cause no one would want to eat me."

Shivanie L: "That man sitting on the bench over there, is that Mr. Price?"
<everyone turns to look at the person on the bench in the park>
Duber: "Shivanie, that's a woman."

[re: her sisters]
"We're all 22 months apart; my parents planned it like..." <realizes what she was about to say and grimaces> - Shivanie L

Bonnie W: "It's like 'how many beams are in a triple-beam balance?' and someone puts four."
Judy Y: "It's two!"

"Jeannie, you shouldn't discriminate against pedophiles." - Bonnie W

Bonnie W: "Why is your shirt smaller?"
Andi G: "No, I'm just bigger."

"I see your ass shaking and I don't like it." - Shivanie L

"I have my ass on control." - Shivanie L

"You'd be surprised. At Guyanese parties, you'd be on top of your cousin..." - Sandy P

"I want to know why they are perpetuating bad English grammar." - Gus W

[re: Armen telling us his car insurance is registered under a fake person]
Cory A: "That's insurance fraud."
Armen: "Oh, use big fancy words!"

[re: In economics class]
Sonja M: "There's this girl that sits next to me in economics class that has manga all the time."
Duber: "Economics class?"
Sonja M: "Yeah, this girl."
Duber: "In economics class?"
Sonja M: "8th period."
Duber: "Economics class."
Sonja M: "Oh! I mean statistics!"

<later>
Sonja M: "All the girls in my economics class are Asian except me."
Me: "Economics class?"
Sonja M: "...Oh, I mean statistics!"

[re: really butch dykes and really flamey fags]
"Why would you go out with someone who's just a bad impersonation of a sex you don't like anyway?" - Andi G

[re: Taking pictures of Key Club board members]
Duber: "Okay, I did everyone who came except for him." <points to Charlie>
Wangui M: "Oh, ew, that sounds so dirty."

[re: Charlie, Wangui, and I standing outside McDonalds]
Marc S-K: <walking up to us in a "suave" voice> "Hey ladies..."
Duber: "What the fuck?! 'Hey ladies?!' What kind of ladies do you sleep with?!"

Debbie V: "Rico isn't the only Hispanic person in this school."
Song H: "Oh, I'm sorry! There's Julio and Julian!"

[re: Ms. Cleary asking if I was gay during the college meeting because I did a project on the Gay Rights Movement last term]
"Are you a fat bitch 'cause you did that project your entire life!" - Roman G

"Xanga is an Asian girl." - Roman G

"I don't like ugly people." - Katelyn McT

"Have you seen my hobo mittens?" - Katelyn McT

[re: giving advice to one of the 3rd graders on what to write]
"Write like a man. Write like you're crazy. Write like you're crazy man." - Mary L

"If you poke me in the eye, I'll poke you right back." - Song H

"I know, what goes up must come down." - Kenny P

Wangui M: "You're a boy."
<Kenny looks down at his pants>
Jessica K: "I know what your gender is. You're a man."

Katelyn McT: "It's cold outside!"
Duber: "No, it's not. It's really, really not. It's 90 degrees outside."
Shivanie L: "Is it really?!"

[re: Key Club]
"After hours, we are The Penis Club." - Andi G

[re: Gay guys]
"You have more options... sexually." - Shivanie L

[re: Bisexuals]
"It is more fun. You have a whole lot of options." - Shivanie L

Mr. Rolle: "We're not talking about my wife."
Jane: "But, she's so cool!"

Chris: "Is that your phone?"
Mr. Rolle: "Yes, you have a problem?"
Chris: "It's bigger than my calculator!"

[re: Listening to a Japanese exercise on a video tape. The woman on the tape sounds like Mr. Rolle]
"Is that you in a girly voice?" - Chris

"You can fool around and it'd not be cheating." - Shivanie L

"What is she doing creaming her hand?" - Sandy P

"What Vagasil? I was thinking about Lubriderm." - Sandy P

[re: Waking me up from my nap]
"Aww, the [stuffed animal] puppy sleeps like you. The puppy's adorable." - My mom

My mom: "Is the Pokémon house expensive?"
Duber: "What?"
My mom: "You know, the Pokémon house. In Pennsylvania."
Duber: "...Poconos?"
My mom: "Yeah, that."

"Circumcision makes it look longer... Wait, no, that's something else." - Denesy M

[re: Katelyn, Owen, and and a random boy walk by the hallway to leave]
"Bye Katelyn! Bye Owen! Bye... Person-that-I-don't-know...<mumbles off>" - Jessica K

Mr. Rolle: "My dragon ate my homework."
Chris: "Really?!"

"Mark Hamill! He's so hot. Even though he's old... I dig old men." - Jessica K

[re: Her tomatoes in her sandwich]
Duber: "Is it homegrown?"
Shivanie L: "No, it's store-grown."

"Why do you need clothes?" - Wendy L

[re: The girl who shoots the Hiroki in Battle Royale]
Duber: "And she shoots him until she runs out of bullets."
Wendy L: "Oh my God! Why? Why? She should have saved her bullets."

[re: A scene in Excalibur ]
"They're gonna have hot, steamy sex." - Jessica K

Duber: "So he's gonna love men?"
Jessica K: "No, they're gonna have hot, steamy sex!"

[re: When a guy got chopped in the movie]
"Yo, what happened to him? Did he fall on something?!" - Vlad

[re: Mr. Rolle telling us that sumo wrestlers are only male]
"That's not fun! What if I wanna be a sumo wrestler?" - Chris

[re: "What color are your socks?"]
"What if you have socks with ducks on it?" - Chris

"Don't worry, it's a proven fact that every human is ticklish in their erogenous zones." - Katelyn McT

<Pamela looks at my chest>
Duber: "You were looking 8 inches south of there."
<Pamela looks down>

"I'd like to do oral." - Derek W

"I think oral should be longer. It's more primitive." - Derek W

[re: Patricia and Steven]
Katelyn McT: "She's always attached to him in some way. It's like she can't walk."
Duber: "Maybe she can't walk for a different reason."
<Rachel, Katelyn, and I laugh>
Katelyn McT: "And the boyfriend's connected to her in some way."

Rachel R: "Yeah, well, I have possibly gay Midwestern cousins."
Katelyn McT: "That's kinda nice."

"I was watching... <thinks> What do White people watch? <thinks> the news..." - Eileen T

[re: Mr. Shechter]
"He's so cute... you know, in an old man way." - Chanda

[re: Dr. Li]
"I love him. He's so cute." - Chanda

[re: Rachel being in love with me]
Rachel R: "It doesn't matter if I'm male or female."
Kenny P: "Or inu desu." [Or a dog]

"In real life, it's not called porn. It's called sex." - Shivanie L

"I'm cheap. That's the story of my life." - Shivanie L

(Rachel's worst nightmare)
"I have a camera. Don't you understand?! I have a camera! ...A video camera!" - John H

[re: Acting like an idiot and laughing hysterically at Applebee's]
"Please keep in mind this is me sober." - Emily F

Anrina Y: "David smells like David."
Andi G: "His essence should be bottled up."
Wangui M: "It is! It's called Abercrombie."

Shivanie L: "You guys want to bounce?"
Katelyn McT: "What's bounce? But seriously, what's bounce?"

"Did you get it at Chinatown? or Japantown?" - Katelyn McT

Duber: "I think the U.S. is behind Canada, the Netherlands, England..."
Sandy P: "And Greenland, and Iceland, and Alaska."

"You know Eileen, she throws her legs on anyone's bodies."- Sandy P

Shivanie L: "I gotta be home. I have my anthropology project."
Duber: "I thought you said anti-college project."
Sandy P: "Yeah, I did my college apps and now it's time to start my anti-college ones. Send out a big FUCK YOU to all the colleges."

"I don't have that mathish look. I look more like I'm a country farm girl." - Katelyn McT

"He bathes regularly... Some things I don't want to know!" - Katelyn McT

[re: Stephen]
"He wouldn't get off! Wait, you don't know this story." - Charlie L

[re: Charlie telling us that story]
"Oh, this is worse than I thought." - Ariel G-W

[re: The Indicator Hierarchy]
"They want me to do Stuy girls." - Diana L

[re: Me]
"You'd buy anything at the right price. You'd buy Charlie at the right price." - Wangui M

[re: Debbie telling some story to a group of people]
Debbie V: "And all I want is for them to admit they're all homosexuals!"
(Charlie walks up)
Charlie L: "Did someone mention my name?"

Duber: "Oh yeah, who's more sad? The one going home or the one staying at school on a Friday night?"
Eileen T: "At least, one of us has our boyfriends here right now."
Duber: "Hey! Oh yeah, I'll call you tomorrow and we'll see who's with their boyfriends then."
Eileen T: "Your butt's gonna hurt tomorrow."
Simon W: "Ouch."
Duber: "Yeah. Ouch. It's kinda implied."
Sandy P: "Ahh! Everyone's so open."
Duber: "Not tomorrow, I won't be."
Sandy P: "Shouldn't it be more open after tomorrow?"

Chris: "Your mom is 75?! Then how old are you?!"
Mr. Rolle: "Ask me in Japanese."
Chris: "........................................Oh, crap."

[re: Mr. Rolle is 42]
Jane: "You're younger than my mom."
Mr. Rolle: "Your point being?"
Chris: "You're old!"

[re: Walking by a bunch of freshmen]
"I really enjoy alphabetizing M&Ms; it makes me happy." - Anonymous Freshman

[re: After Debbie calls her Sandy by accident]
"Do I say 'Hi Leandra!' or do I say 'Hi Generic Hispanic Girl?' No, I do not! I say 'Hi, Debbie!'" - Shivanie L

"You have to full on her." - Anita L

Simon W: "I don't like any place that is upstate New York."
Sandy P: "You come from Canada! You can't be picky!"

"But incest is illegal; child molesting is just looked down upon... Wait, child molesting is illegal too." - Sandy P

"When I look down my shirt, I can see my bra." - Emily F

"Come on, I know you learned something in physics." - Gordon F

"David has food poisoning... I wonder what he ate." - Wangui M

"Then comes sex in the baby carriage." - Anita L

Anita L: "Jude Law is hot."
Carolyn H: "He is."
Charlie L: "Yeah!"

"I wouldn't cheat on people... Just girls." - Charlie L

"I was about to say 'David, I got you off.'" - Sandy P

[re: Andra is Carolyn's hitman]
"You're like the Teitel to her Damesek." - Sandy P

[re: Eileen gets a gift certificate after we all pooled in for her birthday. It's worth and odd amount.]
"Eileen, guess who put the $1." - Andra B

<silently> "I could go on a rampage." - Jessica K

Weijie H: "Simeng and a Hawaiian boy."
Duber: "But they're all gay."
Carolyn H: "Accountants?"
Shivanie L: "My daddy's."

<to Mr. Rolle> "Wouldn't it be easier for you to pronounce. You have a beard." - Chris

[re: Telling Sandy the quote about Rachel thinking that Battle Royale was an hour and thirty minutes after I told her the movie was 122 minutes.]
"That's like an hour." - Sandy P

Carolyn H: "Every French film has a threesome."
Simon W: "Nooo!"

"If anyone ever doubts they're ugly, go to a nerd convention." - Debbie V

"I walked around thinking, 'I am hot!'" - Debbie V

[re: Someone tells him that he looks like a child molester]
"A gay child molester or a normal one?" - Charlie L

"Would it be rude to call an old, old, old, old woman... a woman? Wouldn't you call her an old woman?" - Chris

<silence, all of a sudden> "Born to be wild!" - Jessica K

Eileen T: "It's because you're nice and black."
Sandy P: "What?"
Eileen T: "You know, like that time with the picture. You look nice and black."
Sandy P: "Nice and dark?"

"Dude, I'm half gay!" - Charlie L

[re: Something about anal sex]
"You say this like there's a hole!" - Charlie L

"This research paper is booylicious!" - Shivanie L

Rebecca M: "What do rich people call 'poop' then?"
Shivanie L: "Excrement."

<to Charlie, about Key Club Convention in Monticello, NY>
Debbie V: "It's so white, you're gonna pick up a new accent."
Weijie H: "Maybe even a straight one."

<Sarah and I hug>
Duber: "Sorry. I smell like mothballs."
Sarah H: "It's okay. You also smell like Asian mouthwash."

"Pamela's dying."<hysterical laughter> - Debbie V

Duber: "Pickles?"
Yitian L: "Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

"If you weren't wearing pants, you'd be hotter than you are now." - Shivanie L

"I love regular white people too!" - Shivanie L

Eileen T: "Where are you getting all the pieces of paper?"
Jessica K: "From his butt."

<to me, about how hot people cost more>
Debbie V: "You're not that hot!"
Shivanie L: "But he's not that expensive."
Debbie V: "And he's poor quality."
Shivanie L: "I don't buy anything made from China."

"Wow, three pounds. Take a dump and you'll lose three pounds." - Song Ey H

Jonathan K: "Hey! That's my closet! Don't touch my closet!"
Sandy P: "That's a drawer, Jonathan."

Sandy P: "We're trying to see if clay has any affect-"
Charlie L: <interrupting> "Clay!"
Sandy P: "Not Aiken!"

Yarik: "Sumo!"
Mr. Rolle: "Why do you keep saying 'sumo!?'"
Ju Ping: "Because he wants to sumo."
Chris: "I'm not going against him!"

"It's noodle night at the Sun house." - Simeng S

[re: Vaginas]
"How can Charlie not have one?" - Wangui M

[re: Vaginas, still]
"I wanna see how it relates to a carpet... or a cat." - Wangui M

[re: The very old Heather/Andi quote: "What's a clitter?" "Go home and explore."]
Andi G: "Oh! I finally understand!"
Duber: "Maybe you should go home and explore."
Andi G: "And on the internet."

[re: Dental dams]
"That's like taking leftovers and putting saran warp over it and licking it." - Lu H

[re: Prom]
"Wait, I have to get a cortage." - Charlie L
(No, I didn't misspell this quote.)

[re: Someone says "It goes into computers and fights monsters."]
"That's called Norton Anti-virus." - Sandy P

[re: Quoting her in my quote book again]
Sandy P: "Ooh, I'm making another debut!"
Duber: "Debut is when you first appear."
Sandy P: "I know, I was hoping you wouldn't pick up on that, you dumbass."

[re: Trying to come up with an AIDS Walk cheer]
<to Britney Spears' "Toxic">
Duber: "With a step and a hop, you're almost there... AIDS Walk '04, keep on walking. Just a little bit more and you'll be there... We love whatcha do-"
Debbie V: "And we know that you're toxic?"

[re: How a guy uses the bathroom]
"What happens when you sit down? Does it fall in the toilet? Gravity does work!"- Neha P

"Do you grab it while peeing?" - Neha P

"What are the chances of having a snow day on the day of the final?" - Chris

[re: Playing the "Can you list all 50 states in 10 minutes" game]
Sergio U: <hands his list to Penny> "Count them for me. I know I'm only missing one."
Penny Z: <counts> "You only have 47."
Sergio U: "How is that possible? I'm missing one!"
Duber: "You're missing three."
Sergio U: "No, I know I'm missing only one!"

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