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old school: summer '03
[re: little kids running around and screaming in Central Park]
"Why do little kids always sound like they're getting attacked?
That's why half of them die." - Maya
"Men don't have ovaries, right?" - Maya
"My ass is really wet." - Maya
"Why are there two half-naked boys on that rock?
Dude, they're gonna be gay when they grow up." - Maya
"I've touched Andi." - Maya
"Damn you and your spine." - Ilona
"Guys have holes everywhere." - Maya
"Today is my eight hour anniversary of not masturbating." - Maya
Someone: "A vagina is beautiful."
Maya: "It's like a flower... of death!"
James: "Every girl I've hooked up with doesn't shave."
Maya: "...her... vagina?"
"Why did everyone turn away and moan?" - Maya
[re: looking at a dildo in some book]
Duber: "Are you aroused?"
Maya: "I'm not. I'm appreciating the artistic value of the dildo."
"Not like there's anything wrong with fairies." - Maya
"I never had a shirt." - Eileen T
[re: seventh-grader Ryan]
"I wanna pound him but I can't because of child abuse laws." - Pamela T
"Then the prince asked may I and Cinderella said Yes. Then they Panced."
- 7th Grader Winnie's story
[re: Anne Frank]
Duber: "She died in the end."
Eileen T: "Yeah she did... Did she?"
Pamela T: "David, how do you spell 'pays'?"
Duber: <confused> " 'Pays' as in...?"
Pamela T: "It pays to discover..."
Duber: " 'Pays' as in 'to pay'?"
Pamela T: "Yeah."
Duber: "P-A-Y-S..."
Pamela T: "Oh! It's not P-A-I-E-S?"
Duber: "ORGASM!"
Linz K: "I'm too lazy. You come here."
Jeannie W: "Is that big guy your cousin?"
Duber: "Yeah, want his number?"
Jeannie W: "He's too old. I only like little kids."
[re: Eileen sitting on her lap]
"Wow, you have a bony butt." - Jeannie W
"Oh, Gloria, you're naughty." - Jeannie W
"The do now is the... doing now." - Pamela T
[re: fourth-grader Ka and Jeannie are arguing over who watches porn]
Jeannie W: "Well, you star in porn!"
Duber: "You and your brother."
Jeannie W: "Little Boys Gone Wild."
"I'm gonna smack your butt. Gonna smack your ass." - Ka
Jeannie: "Why are you humping the chair?"
Ka: "I'm not; I'm bouncing on it."
[re: her lunch]
"It's chickeny. It's got the texture of chicken in it." - Song H
[re: her sister]
Duber: "Is she done already?"
Song H: "What do you mean 'DONE' ?!"
[re: quoting her]
"STOP!!!" - Song H
"You should feel something." - Song H
Duber: "Is it just downtown Manhattan or the entire borough?"
My mom: "Yes."
"Nice butt, David." - Ka
[re: second-grader Justin staring off into space]
Eileen T: "I wonder what's in his head... Probably one monkey. It's eating a banana."
<Justin starts counting with Nancy>
"Now there are five. Seven monkeys. Ten monkeys."
Nancy L: "What comes after eighteen, Justin?"
Eileen T: "THERE ARE TOO MANY MONKEYS!!!"
Eileen T: "Shawn Ashmore is hot."
6th Grader Jeffrey: "He is!"
Eileen T + Pamela T: "What? You think he's hot?!"
6th Grader Jeffrey: "No, no. I meant he is... a chicken."
Eileen T: "What do you want for Christmas?"
Pamela T: "A hammer."
[re: Pamela sitting on Eileen's lap]
Pamela T: "Your thighs don't hurt yet?"
Eileen T: "No."
Pamela T: "You're amazingly strong."
Duber: "She just has a lot of fat."
Eileen T: "Yeah. HEY!"
<staring off into space> "My God, I really need a life." - Jeannie W
Duber: "Let's name colors!"
Eileen T: "Blue!"
Pamela T: "Reddow!" <pause, frowns> "Reddow?!"
[re: closing her eyes and pinching her nose while sucking gross food through a straw]
"I don't want it to linger." - Linz K
"Cat rhymes with... Trat." - Linz K
Linz K: "Trat is like trap!"
Nancy L: "But cat and trap do not rhyme!"
"There's something stuck in my mouth." <Patting her neck and chest> - Linz K
[re: more rhyming]
"Got and... bought rhyme!" - Linz K
Duber: "I don't want to do it."
Jeffrey C: "That's the first time you've said that."
"I got it in my mouth!" - Linz K
"The suction to my stomach." - Linz K
[re: his necklace]
Vincent: "It's not a cross!"
Nancy L: "It's a plus!"
[re: wanting to go online]
Linz K: "I need to chat with my buddies."
Jeffrey C: "What buddies? Too many monkeys!"
"I got home at 2am. I sucked." - Nancy L
[re: yelling at me on my cell]
"We're not going bowling anymore. You can't with just two people!" - Pamela T
[re: watching Lord of the Flies]
Eileen T: "Why is it called 'Lord of the Flies'?"
Duber: "They're all flies and one of them is the lord."
Eileen T: "Wait, they're flies?!"
Jeannie W: "Don't look so serious when you're kidding!"
Duber: "What are some board games?"
Pamela T: "Body parts."
[re: teacher recommendations]
"Imagine Dr. Schwδgermann dies. We had him for three years, I let him touch me and stuff." - Eileen T
[re: Jeannie and Eileen are fighting to see who can be Pamela's lesbian lover]
<to Pamela> "I'll teach you things." - Eileen T
Duber: "What color are we painting the apartment?"
My mom: "Rice."
[re: thinking Penny took her Metrocard]
"Give it back, I could hurt you!" - Nancy L
[re: eating one of those coca-cola gummies]
Eileen T: <staring at it> "Hey! It tastes like coke!"
<two minutes later>
Jeannie W: "Hey! It tastes like coke!"
[re: looking at the food I brought back from Kevin's]
My mom: "Are you dating a girl?"
Duber: "No." <jokingly> "Come on, who would wanna date someone as ugly as me?"
My mom: <serious> "The fat people need someone too."
[re: at Duane Reade; two people pass by]
"Do they have movie theatres in Hawaii?" - Random Guy
"These are fractions, not numbers!" - Nancy L
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