"There are so many things you could take sexually that I don't want you to."

last updated: March 13, 2007
[updates are in this color]

Duber: "Hey, Rachel."
Rachel: "Ow."

"It pokey. It poke me. It hurt me."

<to Marc> "Don't look at my socks. Indecent!"

"Hey,  I'm Sexy Mandarian Rachel. No one said anything about Smart Mandarian Rachel."

"Getting a paper cut on your face is impressive but getting two is like whoa!"

"David, I'm getting sad."

<silence... all of a sudden> "...No!"

"I should never explain the quotes. Explaining it always makes it worse."

"All the insane quotes are me trying to figure out what I said."

(picks up a napkin)
"This is like a napkin."
(looks at both sides)

Rachel: "We can have fucking lunch."
Duber: "With other people? A fucking lunch orgy... I was gonna say 'fucking orgy.'"
Rachel: "Been there, done that."
Duber: "I'm over it... and under it..."
(pause)
Rachel: "So, who's going where?"

"So Nick was saying how one out of three guys who shop at Abercrombie are gay, and I started laughing hysterically because you popped into my head."

"People are getting caught in my hair."

Duber: "So, is it so wrong to want the Soph if I have Jersey City?"
Rachel: "I am so sick of this. You HAVE a CITY. Not everyone has a city. Not everyone even has a borough, you know?"
Duber: "How about pigeons?"
Rachel: "I don't want a pigeon. You can have all the pigeons... I'm downgrading Sophomore to pigeon."

<later>
"But you know, David, it's sad. Not everyone even has a borough. Or even a neighborhood. Now a neighborhood, I don't think that's too much to ask for. I'd be happy with a neighborhood."

<looking into a mirror>
"Whoa, what happened?!"

"Wait, I was there and I didn't go down?!"

"I'm worried, it won't get XXX rated, will it?"

<after Debbie yells "If you were straight, I'd be all over you" on the escalator>
"Okay, if Kenny doesn't know by now, Kenny's EXTREMELY dense."

"Oh no, my life is over, I'm not sexually attractive to squirrels."

"Stupid architecture school, you need to know physics."

"There are so many things you could take sexually that I don't want you to."

[re: No Exit]
Duber: "I know there is a lesbian who is in love with the other girl. And the other girl is in love with the guy, right?"
Rachel: "Yeah."
Duber: "Is the guy in love with the lesbian?"
Rachel: "No."
Duber: "Oh."
Rachel: "You want it to be a perfect circle?"

Duber: "So are you going to Augasm?"
Rachel: "I'm trying to!"

"Oh no, I've fallen in David."

"I don't know how to put my shirt on. I can't put my shirt on. I can't put it on. It's so awful!"

"I couldn't put on my shirt though, it was hard!"

"If you were jingly, no one would sell you."

"Yes, at one point, I had..." <touches her chest>

[re: this kid (Jacob) in our electronics class]
"That kid is SO ugly!!!"

"He is! It's so terrible!"

[re: Walking through Foley Square for the third time in one day.]
Rachel: "David, I'm going to cry. I've walked this way three times today."
Duber: "No, you haven't."
Rachel: "Unless my fever's high, I don't think I hallucinated walking. You know what, fine. I walked this way, I ran this way, and now I'm walking this way again."

Duber: "Who's that?!"
Rachel: "That's the girl from the groping couple."
Duber: [blank stare]
Rachel: "You probably didn't recognize her alone."
Duber: "But... there's no one on top of her."
Rachel: "That's why you didn't recognize her."

"You never update your quotes page anymore. I feel bad for the quotes. They're going to waste."

Rachel: "You're an Abercrombie whore."
Duber: "Hey! I only buy the clothes when they're on sale."
Rachel: "That makes you an Asian Abercrombie whore."

"Oh wait, you have an empty box full of money."

[re: Jewish kids with yamacas]
"I'd rather have those as my people than the pasty white tourist people!"

"Well they know people would rather walk down the stairs than go up the escalator."

[re: Rachel says the quote above]
Duber: "I was waiting for you to screw up."
Rachel: "That sentence or today?"

"This is not time to grope!"

"That kid IS so ugly."

"...Maybe it was groping time."

"You are a quote whore."

"I wanna see how many times I can make you write stuff down."

"Actually... yeah, that wasn't very quotable. I just said it so I can make you type."

[re: "jprom"]
"I think 'Jew Prom.'"

[re: telling Gus that Rachel's at my house]
<muttering> "Getting groped."

[re: answering Gus's question with a look]
Duber: "What was that look? The look of..."
Rachel: "...No."

"When I was in cocaine..."

Duber: <reading a store sign> "Flamers."
Rachel: "Are you reading something or is that your new curse?"

"You shouldn't quote yourself like that. It's sick!"

"I think we would make a pretty good sitcom."

"It's like in philosophy where 2 + 2 = 3 and I'm so confused!"

"Wow! Maximum quoting efficiency!"

[re: sitting on the railing next to the 2 - 4 escalator across the senior bar]
Duber: "This is our senior bar!"
Rachel: "Yeah! Wow! So, our senior bar is a bar up our ass?"

Rachel: "I'd watch a sitcom about us."
Duber: "It's called porn."
Rachel: "I wish I had a witty comeback."

[re: Are you a lesbian?]
"I'm a non-bian."

"Penny, go away."

[re: Alex Yu aka "Stuy sophomore"]
Duber: "Sophomore's who's a junior who's still a sophomore?"
Penny: "Is that a code?"
Rachel: "No, there really is a sophomore who's a junior who's still a sophomore."
Penny: <confused look>
Rachel: "Yes, it's code, you idiot!"

[re: reading the Stuy planner example of how to use it]
"11am. Soccer game. Loser."

[re: Penny]
Duber: "There's homophobia right there for you."
Rachel: "No, there's stupidity right there for you."

"If there was an Olympics quote competition..."

"I've become Archie to your Veronica."

"Why are you in school?"

"Why do I have a report card?"

[re: Jacob, the Ugly Kid]
"He's my ugly kid!"

Rachel: "My pants are falling down."
Duber: "Oh no! Hide the children!"
Rachel: "You should. I haven't shaved my legs in two weeks."

"Archie never had to shave his legs."

"Well, he probably didn't wear pink pants either. Wait, maybe he did."

"So now who's faster than Rachel?"

[re: Asian women marrying white men]
"That's why the Asian men find each other."

"He's on the [Stuy] football team. I could take him."

"I was resting and I bit my hand."

Rachel: they bother me that i love you
Duber: you do
Duber: now shut up, be happy
Rachel: unrequited love...
Rachel: ::sniff sniff::

[re: Stuy Sophomore]
Katelyn McT: "He looks very chipmunkish."
Rachel: "Well, [David] is attracted to squirrels."

Duber: "You know who I asked to my elementary school prom?"
Rachel: "Who?"
Duber: "Kelly."
Rachel: "Our Kelly?"

[re: Battle Royale]
Rachel: "How long is the movie?"
Duber: "122 minutes."
Rachel: "That's an hour and thirty minutes."

"Drunk people are funny... Except when they're abusive."

[re: Me pushing Eileen's back with my hands]
"Why are you pushing your breasts into her?"

"How [does the Program Office] know if you're a boy or girl when you take the classes?"

"It's really convenient. You just flash it and they're like 'okay.'"

[re: Talking about the only thing we learned in middle school]
Duber: <jokingly> "In middle school, I lost my gag reflex."
Rachel: "So you're not throwing up Charles Miller anymore."

"It's all subtle body language for me."

[re: Snapple facts]
Rachel: <reading the bottle cap> "Your eye expands up to 45% when looking at something pleasing." <looks at me and opens her eyes widely>

"I've read stuff about people with demention."

"I like the word 'wanker.'"

[re: previous quote]
"That's a stupid quote."

[re: When I turn eighteen in March]
"So what am I, jailbait?"

[re: Eileen's birthday party at Applebee's. Carolyn made a seating chart and demands that everyone abide by it. Rachel asks if she can do something and Carolyn allows her to.]
<to Carolyn> "Thank you, Ms. Damesek."

"I don't have Godparents... Wait, I'm Jewish, so I shouldn't have."

Carolyn: "If Jesus was alive..."
Rachel: "Then the people can't blame the Jews for killing him."

<to me> "Too bad Abercrombie doesn't make suits."

Carolyn: "I don't want him to be in charge of me all night!"
Rachel: "We're talking about Charles... wait, no..."

[re: Wondering what to buy at J&R]
Duber: "Maybe I should get Yellowcard."
Rachel: "No, you can't. It's emo. I won't lose you to the emo kids. I've invested too much time in you to lose you to the emo kids."

Penny: <to me> "You know you wanna buy [Yellowcard], it'll cheer you up."
Rachel: "Yes. He's gonna cheer up with emo."

[re: Looking at the Velvet Underground CD]
Rachel: "Why is this better looking than mine? ...Oh, this is for pretentious people."
Duber: "Like you?"
Rachel: "............Pretentious people with money."

"I proved Elizabeth wrong when she said I didn't have an ass. I have a big enough ass to break my headphones."

[re: Quoting that]
"It's been a long time since you quoted me."

Duber: "We only have two more Fucking Lunches scheduled."
Rachel: "That's what you think."

[re: Written in my quotebook]

(this is actually old, but I recently found it)

[re: Pigeons flying around]
"Homicidal birds!"

"When I was little, I wanted to adopt Asian babies because white babies were ugly."

[re: Carolyn wants white babies; Rachel wants Asian babies]
Carolyn: "We should totally trade!"
Rachel: "...Right. Let me get them out of my bag right now."

"I hate the Save the Children people! You know what I think they do? They take crack addicts off the street and won't give them any crack until they harass enough people in a day! That's what they do! Stop laughing, you know this is true!"

[re: Telling Rachel about this article I found online from a Midwestern newspaper that wrote about the alleged "Stuy HS Cuddle Puddle"]
"I guess they won't be sending us blankets anymore."

[re: Sitting in a very awkward area at Lombardi's Pizzeria near all the wine]
"We're put in the unloved corner... for ugly people."